Thursday, March 13, 2008

We're Not Fighting the Good Fight - We're Fighting Eachother...

I'll admit it...I am a mother to an 8 month old and I work outside the home. Turns out there are A LOT of people out there who hate me for that and they don't even know me. They hate Adrian Stark of TLC's "Secret Life of a Soccer Mom" because she chose to be a fashion designer again instead of continuing to be a stay at home mom (SAHM).

Is it wrong that I don't care? Why do I care if a random woman works instead of staying home with her kids? Before having an actual baby I was convinced I would stay home if I ever had kids. I found it hard to reconcile having children and then giving them to someone else to "raise" while I worked. Well 8 months into it I still am trying to reconcile that fundamental question. I just do it from behind a desk now.

I leave the house at 7:00am and return at 5:30pm. For those nine and a half hours a day EJ is with either my mom or my husband's parents. Is it ideal for anyone? The grandparents would say yes, they love the time they have with EJ. EJ herself would say no because she doesn't like being woken up at 5:30am. I say it's okay (except for the geting up at 5:15am part) because I am contributing to our household and I get to interact with adults during the day. Even though sometimes I want to kill some of them. My husband would say it's okay because I'm bringing in a mighty nice salary which helps with our goals of saving for college and retirement. It also allows us luxuries like vacations and new clothes for EJ. Could we make it without my salary? Yes, just barely...but neither I or my husband like the idea of "just barely".

In reviewing my list of friends there are 13 that currently work outside the home and 6 that currently stay home full time. I say "currently" in both situations because some of those that work full time stayed home early on, while some worked part time at some point, while some have their own businesses and work from home. All of those that currently stay home had careers before making the choices that they did.

I think most SAHM's have a chip because there are still ignorant people out there who think they don't do anything all day. I challenge anyone who thinks that to spend nine and half hours alone with my daughter on one of her "bad" days. I'll see you when I get home from work and you can tell me how much you got done and when you'll be back.

There is a larger issue here - greater then the fundamental "why have children only to have someone else raise them?" But no one wants to talk about that issue - we just want to make the other side out to be bitches. Well - if your children are well cared for and your family is thriving it doesn't matter to me what you do to make that happen.


Angry Inky said...

Eerie. I just read that article. Where is the outrage for the physician father (from the TLC show) who no doubt works long hours and doesn't spend any time with his kids? God, I can't believe we are still doing this, after all these years.

princess1128 said...

It's one thing to have an opinion about it - it's another thing to bash other people. Unfortunately it makes those women sound bitter. Like there is something missing in their lives. It's okay to admit there is - my old life is what is missing for me.