Thursday, June 29, 2006

And The Winner Is...

The Ebay auction has ended and my boyfriend will be collecting a check for $33,800.00 for his tricked out, autographed silver Mini-Cooper.

Yeah, this is funny...

I was watching what I imagine was a repeat of The Daily Show last night and they were airing a story that totally cracked my shit up. It seems this story originally broke in May, even my tuned out husband had heard about it, so forgive me for just catching up now. The Pink Taco mexican restaurant is causing a stir in Scotsdale AZ because, it seems "Pink Taco", is a derogatory name for the part of a woman's anatomy that I typically refer to as a "who-ha". I am so not up on my Mexican slang, I wouldn't have known I was supposed to be offended, so thank God they told me. Upon doing a bit of internet research I also learned that the original location is in the Hard Rock Hotel in Las Vegas. Now I know one of the restaurants we're taking my BFF Janet to when we go to Vegas next year to celebrate her 50th B-day.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Oh, so Cute...

I was sitting on my couch this weekend flipping through the dismal offerings on my cable system, when I stopped on Animal Planet. They were airing this show called "Meerkat Manor." I was quickly sucked in. Camera's have been set up in the desert in Africa to record the daily routines of these cute creatures. Their group is approximately 30 in number and is lead by the dominant female of the group, named Flower. She wears a camera around her neck so we can see what goes on when she goes into their underground burros too. There is drama as owls and other birds of prey try to pick off the totally cute babies. And lots of craziness ensues as they dig for bugs to eat. The icing on the cake is that the whole thing is narrated by Sean Astin of "Goonies" and "Toy Soliders" fame. Original episodes air on Friday's at 8:00pm and are repeated through-out the weekend.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

If I had a spare $30,000 lying around...

I was checking up on my boyfriend earlier today on his website and there was a note that he is selling his 2002 tricked out Mini Cooper. After following the link to Ebay I viewed all 18 pictures with great interest. Never have I ever wished so earnestly that I was rich. Because not only would my butt get to grace the same upgraded blue leather seat as my boyfriends butt, but I would get to take delivery of the car personally from him!!!! Then I could die happy.

The auction has seven more days left on it so on June 29th or 30th I'll check back in and see what the final selling price is.

Monday, June 19, 2006

Father's Day Edition of Postsecret...

This thought never crossed my mind. Until he died three months before my wedding.

Friday, June 16, 2006

The Milk Duds...

Okay - after reviewing the comments on my "Milk Duds" post I will try to further explain myself. One morning Doogie, Jeff and I were chatting in the manufacturing office, gobbling up some Sugar Babies candy that Jeff had. So during the course of the conversation Doogie said he liked Milk Dud's better then Sugar Babies...that in fact they were his favorite candy. So later that day I was at the 7-11 and there was a box of Milk Duds. It made me laugh seeing them so I bought them and left them on his tool box. A little while later he came to my office holding the box, figuring they'd come from me.

The part that made me think I'd over stepped some invisible line came later...when he told me that he told his wife about the candy. Then that weekend he and his wife were away in the mountains and when he opened the cooler she packed there were Milk Dud's in it. He was happy to see them and told her so, but then his wife said they probably weren't as good as mine. I'm thinking it was a joke, but the more we laughed about it, the more it made me wonder if she thought something more of me giving him this candy. Hence the question..."Is a married woman allowed to give a man she's not married to Milk Duds?"

P.S. It's become an ongoing joke. Earlier this week Doogie stayed after hours to finish a project for my co-worker Heidi and as a reward she brought him Milk Dud's. We've taken to calling him a Milk Dud whore.

My Top 5...

Earlier this week after our morning production meeting my coworker Heidi and I decided we needed Dunkin Donuts coffee and Munchkins (she needed the coffee, I just needed the Munchkins). So we set out to the nearest location. After partaking of the delicious treats we were trying to rank them in order of our favorites. I decided my list would look like this...

1. Chocolate
2. Cinnamon Powdered
3. Glazed
4. White Powdered
5. Regular sugared

I decided though, the next time I go, I'm having them fill the box with chocolate and cinnamon only - screw the rest of them.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Sometimes it's just too good...

Every now and then all of our bosses are out of the office at the same time. Over the years you think they'd get wise to what we do when they aren't here but it doesn't seem that they have. Today we celebrated being left home alone with wine coolers. I hadn't had one of them in years so how could I say no. There is definitely something surreal about sitting at your desk, where you are paid an hourly wage to work, while sucking Exotic Berry from a blue plastic cup. It was just like being a freshman in college again - only I'm getting paid to be here instead of the other way around. This is one of those days when things around here don't suck!!

Candy or something more...

Can a married woman give another man a box of Milk Duds without it turning into some sort of bizarre overture?

**Websters defines OVERTURE: as "An act, offer, or proposal that indicates readiness to undertake a course of action or open a relationship."

I thought it was just Milk Duds...

Thursday, June 08, 2006

How Many Babies Make a Boom?

I just got an email from my high school friend Casey, telling me she is seven weeks pregnant with her first child. Add to that the email I got last week from my college friend Andrea, that she is expecting to ring in the new year with her second child. Or the restaurant breakfast in early April, over which, my niece Patti told me she is due in October with her second child. Finally, how about my husband's co-worker Jill who is "growing exponentially" with the impending arrival of her first child in July.

So that leads me to my many babies does it take to make a boom? If four isn't quite enough, I could add in babies recently born: like Janet's adorable grandson Donovan, Lisa's little girl Ashley, my ex- boss Marty's third son Henry or how about Matt & Patty's daughter Mary who arrived in March. That's eight babies...I think eight babies qualifies as a boom.

P.S. I went and got my hair done last night and my hairdresser Marty told me that another friend of mine, Mark, is expecting his first child in September...that's NINE babies. I think that's a record for me in one year.

That's a Crazy Lot of Money...

My nephew is in fourth grade at the local Christian school. Last night he was at my mom's watching a DVD of his 2005-2006 school year highlights. As I stood over his shoulder I saw pictures of all of the kids in his class, including him, sewing panels that would be used to make a class quilt (see the attached photo). Every May the school has a Country Auction & Chicken Bar-b-que as a fundraiser and the 4th grade class quilt was part of that auction.

According to my Mom the bidding became quite fierce between a local man with a well known last name and the grandmother of one of my nephews 4th grade classmates. At one point the bidding was halted just to make sure the participants understood just how high the bidding had become. Both wished to proceed and the grandmother ended up being victorious - the cost of the quilt created by her grandson's 4th grade class...


It's a Music Truck...

I have a co-worker who has a two year old daughter. This two year old LOVES ice cream. My co-worker also lives in a neighborhood where an ice cream truck frequently rolls up and down their street. To try and keep her daughters ice cream obsession at bay she has told her that the Ice Cream Truck is actually "The Music Truck" and it goes up and down the street playing music for everyone to enjoy. So far the deception seems to be working. I give her an A+ for imagination, that type of thing only works so long.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Beating the Badger - too funny...

My Second Favorite beating moment, taken from Kevin Hench's article, is entitled "Unlucky Bucky".

Not to be confused with contrived mascot-on-mascot violence, when Wisconsin's Bucky Badger was taken out during a 1999 game, it was actually by a Michigan State male cheerleader.

Bucky had stolen the Spartan flag, stomped on it and then began waving it tauntingly to the student section. Out of nowhere, an MSU male cheerleader enters the frame with a flying chest-high tackle. Bucky went down hard and the cheerleader stayed on him as a swarm of Wisconsin cheerleaders tried to pull him off. Once they got him off, the Sparty defender got in another shot, knocking Bucky down again.

Sadly for MSU, it was the only decent tackle they made all day as Ron Dayne and the Badgers rolled 40-10. Tight-lipped coach Nick Saban actually complimented the cheerleader's tackling ability in a later interview.

As if being a mascot weren't humiliating enough, you get beaten down by a male cheerleader. Rough.

Best Sports Beatings...

Hitting the internet at lunch I came across an article written by Kevin Hench of Fox Sports. In it he listed his top ten favorite sports beatings. After reading the article I chose two - one because I remember seeing it happen on TV and it served the young punk right and the other because it was just downright funny.

My First Favorite...The Express beating
The best beatdowns are the ones you never see coming. So when a 26-year-old third baseman charges a 46-year-old pitcher and gets his head handed to him, well, this is a very, very special beatdown.

It was August, 1993, the final year of Nolan Ryan's illustrious career. Robin Ventura was a rising star with the Chicago White Sox. When Ryan hit Ventura with a curveball, that's where Ventura's troubles began. His first mistake was charging the mound after being hit by a breaking ball, his second mistake was choosing the wrong guy to make a stand against.

When Ventura got to the mound, Ryan was waiting with a Texas-sized beatdown. He corralled Ventura, throwing his left arm around the kid's neck, and administered seven unanswered punches with his magic right arm. The "fight" was so one-sided it looked like Ryan could have just started giving Ventura a noogie, spanked him and ordered him back to the dugout.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006


It's pictures like these that make me weaken and want a dog.

But not enough to actually get one...

Friday, June 02, 2006

Coming Soon To A Strip Club Near You...

My Fabulous Friends...

Heidi Velvet-Hooter - (Tony)
Sapphire Heaven-Tush - (Lauren)
Lola Velvet-Hooter - (My Ween)
Raquelle Heaven-Lick - (Patti)
Angel Spank-Lick - (Robin)
Raquelle Glitter-Cheeks - (Bethany)
Princess Lusty-Thong - (Pam)
Raquelle Heaven-Thong - (Matt)
Heidi Heaven-Whip - (Janet)
Jade Heaven-Shock - (Liza)
Diamond Leather-Tower - (Andrea)
Heidi Leather-Tower - (Wanda)
Raquelle Dixon-Shock - (Big P)
Sapphire Heaven-Thighs - (Laura)
Heidi Velvet-Kiss - (LJ)

My Fabulous Co-Workers:

Fantasia Glitter-Horn - (Frank)
Lola Glitz-Thighs - (Heidi)
Montana Leather-Tower - (Steve)
Cinnamon Glitz-Shock - (Dave)
Angel Heaven-Thong - (Jeff)
Mimi Heaven-Ridge - (John)
Dallas Sunny-Brook - (Allen)
Princess Glitter-Tush - (Pamela)

Maybe we can get a group discount on stripper shoes.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Montana Heaven-Thong

That's my stripper name. Determined using the following system...

1. Use the third letter of your first name to determine your new first
a = Fantasia
b = Chesty
c = Starr
d = Diamond
e = Montana
f = Angel
g = Sugar
h = Mimi
i = Lola
j =Kitty
k = Roxie
l = Dallas
m = Princess
n = Heidi
o = Bambi
p = Bunny
q = Brandy
r = Sugar
s = Candy
t = Raquelle
u = Sapphire
v = Cinnamon
w = Blaze
x = Trixie
y = Isis
z = Jade

2. Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name:
a = Leather
b = Dream
c = Sunny
d = Deep
e = Heaven
f = Tight
g = Shimmer
h = Velvet
i = Lusty
j = Harley
k = Passion
l = Dazzle
m = Dixon
n = Spank
o = Glitter
p = Razor
q = Meadow
r = Glitz
s = Sparkle
t = Sweet
u = Silver
v = Tickle
w = Cherry
x = Hard
y = Night
z = Amber

3. Use the third letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name:
a = hooter
b = horn
c = tower
d = fire
e = thighs
f = hips
g = side
h = jugs
i = shock
j = cocker
k = brook
l = tush
m = sizzle
n = ridge
o = kiss
p = bomb
q = cream
r = thong
s = heat
t = whip
u = cheeks
v = rock
w = hiney
x = button
y = lick
z = juice